The struggles. Highs and lows. Too many, emotionally and physically.
Some days I’ve felt wrecked before I’ve even started, wanting to stay in one place and let the day pass me by.
Whereas others I’ve felt so alive, I see the days adventure spreading out before me and I want to go at full speed.
There is often no rhyme or reason to these feelings and sometimes there is.
The literal ups and downs provide the physical challenge, some ups my body has relished some most definitely not and the same for the downs.
I get quite confused at how some days all is well and others not.
This morning for example I was a mess. I wanted to stay wrapped up in the duvet after treating myself to a rest day the day before.
I cried as I left the village. And then as the day went on I found solace again.
It could be the struggle between knowing I’m safe and not knowing where or what was going to happen.
That unknown has made me halt so many times. I used to think I craved that, now I question ‘do I really?’
The answer is both. A little bit of each. Enough to feel free and enough to feel safe. I just haven’t figured out how far I can go to get that perfect mix.
This route is challenging, I am going too slow to know whether I’ll be able to finish my original plan.
I’m behind by 150 miles, this is playing on my mind alot.
I need to decide on what’s best for me and for what I intended to do.
Which is a journey in my parents memory and to raise money for Cancer Research.
Does down grading distance covered become a failure or does it show an understanding of what is good for me now?
These are of course but a few thoughts thus far but ones I must address soon.
The highs have been many.
Each place I pass I now have happy memories of.
That’s down to people and the environment.
I have been met with wary eyes that are soon followed by welcoming smiles.
Sometimes the land I walk on feels like it’s doing the same.
Eyeing me up then just when I’m about to turn my back it opens up to stunning vistas and breathtaking beauty.
I am happy when I can stop to appreciate the small things I see. It is tricky when time is not on my side but I am trying.
I guess that’s all one can do really, try.